Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Bursting through

Listening to: Seal-Seal. The good 1991 first album before he went all 'Kiss from a Rose' weird MOR style for subsequent stuff.

So after raining all day, at dusk the rain finally stopped and the sun peeked through the misty clouds up here, lighting up the damp hills.
I like that. I'm not normally much for symbolism, but it works for me on this occasion. After warding off the physical hangover from sharing David's Guinness with Murray and Sarah after the funeral yesterday, today I think I had an emotional hangover. I have been fragile and sensitised all day.

Its funny how I prefer the written form as a means of expression, but I can't seem to make it work to properly share my thoughts today. This is thus a ramble.

Now that the ritual events are over, the reality of the way ahead is beginning to become fully apparent, in that for both Fi and I this Christmas there will be people missing who have always been there in the past. I have been a pallbearer twice in the past six weeks, and while I consider the duty an honour and a priviledge, its still one I'd rather not have the opportunity to perform.

I will miss John and David both and I didn't realise fully what I had in them until they were gone. Its often stated to the point of cliche, but I'm not sure we can help taking people for granted. We are just wired that way. I always try and say goodbye to people socially, and feel uncomfortable if I don't, not just for the sake of politeness, but in case the unexpected happens and I never have the chance again.

This is the future I guess. And when Megan's old enough I'll have to buy her a drink sometime, she enabled a lot of laughter yesterday and cheered us up no end.


2treesandahorse said...

kia kaha brother.

big sis said...

Ha Ha, sob sob, wipe wipe. Well said.

He loved you too.
Big Hug. Carol