Tuesday, August 05, 2008


Listening to: The Guards Themselves-Minuit

Direct from Chez Kelson, here is the news.

Sun comes out, may reappear tomorrow
In an unexpected move, the sun shone today for several hours, after a prolonged absence of nearly a fortnight. While the Sun itself could not be approached for comment, an enigmatic spokesperson known only as 'Annie' gave the impression that it would be coming out tomorrow as well.

House Book population decreases for the first time
In an extremely rare event, the recorded book population of the house decreased for the first time since records began in the 1970's (see image).
The upcoming Hutt News Book Fair, to be held at Belmont Memorial Hall on Saturday 9th August was cited as the reason. When asked why this bookfair and not others had prompted the decrease, the owner replied that as he is scheduled to be out of town on the fair date, he is extremely unlikely to encounter any of the donated books on sale, and hence unlikely to inadvertently repurchase them. As to how the books were selected, reasons given varied from owning similar titles, over familiarity, expectation/fulfilment gaps, and some being just plain not good enough for a reader of his ability and knowledge.

Experiments establish bicycle spray speed
In a series of experiments conducted over recent weeks, 30 kilometres per hour has been established as the critical velocity at which water picked up from a wet road surface by a mountain bike front tire will be sprayed far enough by centripetal force to affect the rider. At this speed water is projected far enough both vertically and horizontally from the top of the wheel to be encountered by the rider as they progress forward. This is usually detected as a spray of water onto the face and body. While this velocity is rarely approached on a level surface, it is routinely exceeded on a normal downhill excursion, leading to continued research into how it may be alleviated. Protective eyewear is already proving useful, as is a reduction in speed on rainy days.

Vehicles animal magnetism proved beyond doubt by recent photos
Recent photographs have proved beyond any reasonable doubt that the household red convertible is indeed a Pussy Magnet (see images)

While feline attraction to the vehicle is no longer in question, the duration of the visit is open to conjecture, as the vehicle had been parked for over 24 hours at the time of the observations, with a corresponding length of time since any warmth had been generated by running the engine. Also possibly affecting visit duration is the vehicle's internal alarm sensor, which has been been known to deliver a series of loud warning noises prior to alarm activation when movement above the vehicle is detected.

More news as it comes to hand

1 comment:

d3vo said...

Nice reporting, Mr Cronkite.